Republicans and Democrats and Independents have existed since the beginning of civilization. Here’s how they began:
A group of early cave dwellers was sitting around the campfire one night, a million or so years ago. One of the men was feeling pretty capable so he said, “I’m going hunting tomorrow. I hope I’ll get a deer. I won’t need any help. You know I always hunt alone!” This was the first Republican.
Some of the other cave dwellers said: “Hey, let’s go hunting as a group. If we plan this correctly, maybe we’ll bring down a bison, and our whole clan will have enough to eat!” These were the first Democrats.
A couple of the men decided they would stay behind, setting up the campsite and crafting tools and arrowheads. Plus, they always watched for opportunities to enjoy the women of the clan, who were left alone quite a bit. These were the first Independents.
And what happened to these first political parties?
The solo Republican hunter did pretty well. He brought home lots of deer all by himself, although he had to spend most of his time hunting, since it was tough stalking deer all alone. He kept wondering why his wife had babies that looked like the Independents, but not understanding biology very well, he just shrugged and kept on hunting. One day, he was stalked and eaten by a saber toothed tiger. The tribe didn’t miss him, except for his wife, who had to go begging for food from the Democrats.
The cooperative Democratic hunters did well, too. By hunting together, they brought down larger game and more of it, without too much danger. Of course, by being so effective at hunting, they quickly wiped out much of the game located near their cave, so they had to keep constantly on the move. This was the beginning of the restlessly mobile middle class. They, too, wondered why their children often resembled the Independents, but what did they know or care about biology? They were too busy wiping out the local supply of fresh meat.
The Independents didn’t choose to go hunting very much, but they had a dandy time making arrowheads for the other men, while doing a bit of fishing and tinkering around the campground. Plus, they were very well treated by all the women of the tribe, since the Independents were often good dancers. They didn’t have the hunting status of the other two groups, but they didn’t seem to care about that. The Independents just smiled to themselves a lot.
And the moral of this little lesson is obvious: Vote for an Independent, if you can find one. He’s definitely the smartest candidate, and there’s a very good possibility you’re related.